He Said... She Said...
He said... "Want a quickie?"
She said..."As opposed to what?"
He said... "I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it."
She said..."You wear briefs, don't you?"
He said... "Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?"
She said..."Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money."
She said..."I won the lottery! Five million dollars. Whoo-ee-start packing!"
He said... "That's great!!! What should I pack?"
She said..."Whatever you want, just be out of the house by the time I get there"
He said... "This coffee isn't fit for a pig!"
She said..."No problem, I'll get you something that is."
She said..."What do you mean by coming home half drunk?"
He said... "It's not my fault...I ran out of money."
He said... "Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way."
She said..."Well, you succeeded."
He said... "If you only could learn to make me a proper meal, then we could manage without the cook. And if you cleaned the house, we could fire the maid as well."
She said..."Darling, if you only could learn to satisfy me properly we would do without the gardener too"
Priest... "I don't think you will ever find another man like your late husband."
She said..."Who's gonna look?"
He said... "You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?"
She said..."No, have you?"
He said... "What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?"
She said..."Turn sideways and look in the mirror."
He said... "Let's go out and have some fun tonight."
She said..."Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on."
He said... "Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?"
She said..."I would, but you're never there."
He said... "Shall we try changing positions tonight?"
She said..."That's a good idea.... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."
The caring husband
A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her private parts and notices that there is a response on the monitor when she touches her. They approach her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband is sceptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Besides, it's worth a try. The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flatlines...no pulse...no heart rate. The nurses run into the room. The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked."