How to keep a healthy level of sanity
1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3) Insist that your e-mail address is:
Xena-Warrior-Princess@companyname.com or
Elvis-the-King@companyname.com
4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9) In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.'
10) Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
11) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
13 dont use any punctuation
14) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
15) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
16) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
17) Sing along at the opera.
18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
19) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)
20) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3."
21) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
22) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
23) Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies. Don't really do this.
24) Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything.
25) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
26) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time this week!!!"
27) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
28) Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in your head that do."
29) Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
30) Every time you see a broom, yell "Honey, your mother is here!"
And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity....
31. Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this.
...and by a similar principle
ONE-POINT OFFICE
DARES
1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.
2) Groan out loud in the bathroom cubicle (at least one other
'non-player' must be in the bathroom at the time).
3) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
4) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name
and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye".
5) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over
your ears and grimace.
6) When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and
whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!".
7) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out,
say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
8) Walk sideways to the photocopier.
9) While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the
doors open.
THREE-POINTS DARES
1) Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him
with double-barreled fingers.
2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did
you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it".
3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the
nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
5) Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
FIVE POINT DARES
1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be
nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra
>>points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you
with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".
4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have
to go do a number two".
5) After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican
accent. As in "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep
this up for one hour.
6) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the
elevator.
7) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead
repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just
shut up!".
8) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce "As God
is my witness, I'll never go hungry again".
9) In a colleagues diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in
tights".
10) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You
wanna trade?".
11) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do
you hear that?", "What?", "Never mind, it's gone
now".
12) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I
can't talk about it".
13) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won
a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
14) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during
a very important conference call.
15) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
16) Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of
your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.