Travellers Tales
In
a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day.
During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In
a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when
lit up.
In
a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push the button for wishing
floor. H the cabin should enter
more persons, each one should press a
number of wishing floor. Driving
is then going alphabetically by national order.
In
a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave values at front desk.
In
a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office
between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily.
In
a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the
job of the chambermaid.
In
a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the
chambermaid.
In
the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where
famous Russian and Soviet composers,
artists and writers are buried daily
except Thursdays.
In
an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of
On
the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
In
a Hong Kong supermarket:
For your convenience, we recommend courteous,
efficient self-service.
In
a Bangkok dry cleaners:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside
a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.
Outside
a Hong Kong dress shop:
Ladies have fits upstairs.
In
a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summer suit. Because is
big rush we will
execute customers in strict rotation.
From
the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by
15000 Soviet Republic painters and
sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
In
an East African newspaper:
A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape
since the contractors have thrown in the
bulk of their workers.
In
a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel
porter.
A
sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest
camping site that people of different
sex, for instance, men and women,
live together in one tent unless they
are married
with each other for that purpose.
In
a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining
guests of the opposite sex in the
bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for such purposes.
In
an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
In
a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the
afternoon having a good
time.
On
the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a
firm's own make; limip red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let
loose; beef rashers beaten up in the
country people's fashion.
In
a Czech tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we
guarantee no miscarriage.
Advertisement
for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
In
the window of a Swedish furrier:
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
On
the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
Guaranteed to work through out its useful life.
Detour
sign in Kyushi, Japan:
Stop: Drive Sideways.
In
Swiss mountain inn:
Special today - no ice cream.
In
a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a
foreigner dressed as a woman.
In
a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In
a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all
directions.
On
the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your is your first visit to the USSR, you are
In
a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the
bar.
At
a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any
suitable food, give it to the guards on duty.
In
the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialists in women and other diseases.
In
an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water
served here.
In
a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll
rind they are better in the long run.
From
a Japanese information booklet about using hotel air conditioning:
Cooles and Heates: If you want to condition of
warm in your room, please control yourself.
From
a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger
of foot heavy in sight, tootle horn.
Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with
vigor.
Two
signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
-English
well talking.
-Here
speeching American.